Guess What Sucks

   You know what sucks? 
   Joaquin Phoenix.
   He TOTALLY sucks.
    I picked up We Own The Night from the library the other day, thinking, “Hey, here’s a good chance to see Marky Mark and Joaquin Phoenix shoots guns and get laid for an hour and a half.  It even has an Eva Mendez to ogle.  [...]

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   Wow.  Never in my life have been exposed to such self adulation and regard than at a fucking art show.  It doesn’t matter if the person is talented or not.  Being an artist doesn’t even require talent.  Thousands and thousands of years of self expression reduced down to a bunch of quippy ass [...]

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   Hey you wanna hear what dirty balls taste like? Well, down Mexico way they call it “Oye Como Va”. That’s right folks. I’m talking about the one, the only. Carlos Santana…
and he SUCKS.
This poor son of a Mariachi Violinist first surfaced in the late 60’s,  covering the world in a golden shower of  self-indulgent Mexi-Jazz-Blues.
 “But [...]

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 You wanna know what REALLY sucks?   When you THINK that your delicious tasty sandwich has mayo on it… but… oh… wait a sec…EWWW!!!   Whats this disgusting slime on here that has the distinctive tang of semen???  Oh SHIT its Miracle Whip… and motherfuck me with a broken bottle does it SUCK.
   Miracle Whip was devised as [...]

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Man I love Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  What happened?
Wow does this guy ever fucking smile?   He must be so deep and introspective that he doesn’t have to smile at all.  Actually… when Sean Penn DOES smile… it has a bittersweet feeling to it, like he is smiling… but not because he is happy.  Its [...]

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    HEY!  Whats a cheap and stupid way to mingle with strangers… eat shitty food… and pretend you have a social life???   Potlucks. 
Oh and guess what?  They Suck.
   The worst culinary invention ever to hit suburban America, the Potluck.  This seemingly harmless event can easily turn into a night of torture and despair.
Let’s first address [...]

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