Guess What Sucks

      First let me start off by saying that I LOVE horror movies.  Even shitty ones that are more funny than horrific.  There are thousands of them and Id love to watch all of them. But the fact is that most horror movies just arent very good anymore, and Saw is a prime example.

Saw Sucks.

   I guess if you like pointless sicko tricks, then you might like Saw.  If you’re looking for anything in these movies that is genuinely scary… then you’re shit outta luck.  These stupid movies rely on torture scenes and uncomfortable situations to draw their viewers in, and I think its cheap and talentless.  Saw just capitalizes on the gross out factor and hopes the fans will want more (which they apparently do because these movies have made shit tons of cash). 

   I was watching Saw… and then Saw II… and found myself extremely bored.  Its like the writers got together and devised 6 or 7 different fucked up ways to kill people… and built a movie around them.   Then they repeated these steps for all the sequels.   How is the Jigsaw killer interesting?  Hes quite possibly the lamest and most overrated killer in recent movie memory.  The whole time I’m wondering why he just doesn’t slit a throat or use a machete or something.  Why the complex and stupid murder devices?  Are they supposed to be interesting?   The end result is the same isn’t it?   It reminds me of the over thought and unnecessary ways that James Bond villains tried to kill 007… when all they had to do it shoot him.   What is Jigsaw’s motivation for his awful and unspeakable actions?  Fuck if I know.  Why does he pick his victims the way he does?  NO fucking clue.  He might as well be picking names out of a hat.   

   I know some people are thinking… “Hey Danny Anus… THATS why its so horrific.  Its the randomness that makes it terrifying!!!” Uhhh no the randomness makes it possible for the plot to go anywhere at any time… regardless of logic or god forbid storytelling.  Its allows the writers to do nothing and go nowhere… and still have a sellable product.  Its a cheap gag that has millions and millions of stupid movie goers wanting more. 

You might say “Well you would be scared shitless if your face was in a spiky, vice like,  metal headtrap thingy”  Well yeah.  You are correct, I would be scared enough to poop on the inside of my pants.  But ALOT of things scare me.  Especially obvious things like that.  It is not realistic to think that anything in these movies would or could happen… because they are that horrible and grotesque.  Its just not believable

I apologize, but I’m not terrified at all by these shitty and lame excuses for horror movies. 

I was thinking about making a movie where I smash my toes with a ball peen hammer… one by one.  WOW how scary!!!!  Oh my fucking god I walked out of the theatre and was so scared and riveted and SUCK MY ASSHOLE.   We could make a sequel where, get this… I smash the toes on my OTHER FOOT!!!   Holy fuckface in a windstorm how genius!!!!  

Id rather Saw my cock off than have to sit through any of those shit movies again.