You suck. Oh my fucking god. I want to speed up and ignore my destination just so I can follow you to wherever it is you are going and pick you off when you exit your automobile.
I want to accelerate my automobile until it is side by side yours on the highway. Then I would pull out a sawed off shotgun and aim it at your worthless face and pull the trigger… watching your worthless face become a spraying mass of blood red, and brain matter grey.
I want to follow your car around town and pelt it with rotten vegetables and eggs while singing Ryan Adams songs at the top of my lungs and hold up naked pictues of Michael Jackson.
I want to take that cellular telephone out of your hand and shove it up your stupid asshole while a Burger King fry boy fucks your mouth and you are forced to watch Batman with Jack Palance.
I want to take your seat belt and wrap it around your neck… tie it to the back of my car… and drag you around a field of broken glass while I blast the Eagles.
I want to call up your mother and steal her social security number and identity and charge hundreds of dollars worth of sex toys and child pornography to her Discover card.
I want to take you to a Sigur Rós concert.
I want to dig up your grandmother and create a work of art out of her bones and give to you as a fucking wedding present.
I want to grab you out of your stupid fucking car and knock you out with ether and then take you to a shitty motel with hourly rates and pay a tattoo “artist” to ink a huge tat of Billy Crystal’s face on your chest… licking one of your nipples.
I want to feed you Subway sandwiches with nothing on them but green bell peppers and ketchup and Tabasco while you’re forced to listen to Jack Johnson while watching Carlos Mencia do stand up in Hell with Al Pacino as your waiter.
I want you to swallow my poop. You suck.
20 responses so far ↓
1 nick // Jun 17, 2008 at 9:35 pm
your mom uses turn signals
2 Emily Zee // Jun 18, 2008 at 8:51 am
Amazing. Absolutely amazing. And you’re absolutely right. When I see someone on the highway, trying to get across 3 lanes to get to the exit, NOT signaling, I pretend not to see them and block them from being able to cut in front of ME. I consider it a punishment for being an asshole. It also pisses me off when someone is making a turn… not signaling so you don’t know why they are slowing you down and/or coming to a dead stop in the middle of a busy road. THEY are the ones I want to do all the above to.
3 madsilver // Jun 18, 2008 at 9:17 am
i never use my turn signal, i think people who use them are just wasting their time, i have better things to do than inform you of my driving patterns. sorry guys. get used to it
4 Lardy Be // Jun 18, 2008 at 9:39 am
Does this stem from your Dallas driving days?
5 Sean // Jun 18, 2008 at 10:16 am
Just got back from a road trip, and my friend shocked me every time she didn’t use her turn signal on the highway. How hard is it to flip that little lever for five seconds to let the cunt sock behind you know what the hell you’re doing? And what’s with the Ryan Adams reference Anus?
6 Matthew Zager // Jun 18, 2008 at 10:48 am
Damn it Sean…. your comment gives me nothing to argue with you about.
7 Danny Anus // Jun 18, 2008 at 10:58 am
Dear Sean,
I actually meant to type a B and not an R. I meant the canadian Bryan Adams (Summer of 69… Cuts like a Knife) Ryan Adams is OK in my book.
Love Danny Anus
8 Emily Zee // Jun 18, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Damn it husband, you’ve given me nothing to bicker with you about.
9 Jim Russell // Jun 18, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Bravo! Best ‘guesswhatsucks’ ever.
10 Big Red // Jun 18, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Fuck yes Danny! This is easily one of my top pet peeves, right next to people who wear sunglasses on their head, and flip flops with jeans. And the Sigur Ros show was last week- I think I saw your ladyfriend there.
11 Coolbreeze // Jun 18, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Tain’t nothin’ wrong with flips and jeans.
12 Danny Anus // Jun 18, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Yes there is. It makes no sense. It turns a person into a walking contradiction. So youre so fucking hot that youre pants must stay on? Are you just lazy about your footwear? Why dont you just buy some Birks or some Tevas and call it a day.
13 Melbert the Magnificent // Jun 19, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Anus you need help… if you’re life is so frickin miserable maybe you should just end it…
14 Quick Chris // Jun 19, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Wow! That involved almost all of your “guess what sucks” blogs. Fuck those assholes!!!
15 Danny Anus // Jun 20, 2008 at 10:39 am
Dear Melbert the Shitface,
My life is an incredible mess of hot sex and cold blooded murder. It’s hardly a miserable affair I’m sorry to say. Ask your mother. She knows all about it.
Love Danny Anus
16 Jared: Courtesy - Like murder without malice // Jun 25, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Best of GWS (by the way, do internet abbreviations suck?)
The turn signal is
Not just something nice to do
It prevents your death
17 Jared: Courtesy - Like murder without malice // Jun 25, 2008 at 1:03 pm
PS, my tag on this one is not the name of an emo band, as far as I know
18 antiliberal // Jul 7, 2008 at 8:21 pm
hey madsilver i hope you get everything u deserve, icluding beeing sodomized by a bull elephant
19 Face // Jul 11, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Dear Daniel-
So that’s what that lever is… I usually turn them on for the entire duration of my trip. Then again, the only time I’ve ever driven up here is after consuming large amounts of whiskey, so I don’t think that counts. I’m also one of those tool bags that honks during a traffic jam while I’m at the back. But it’s ok, because I have a tramp stamp. And a gun. It’s pink and fires turds.
Sincerely,
Face
20 Dane Halferty // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:56 am
I usually crack my window and yell ‘I’M TURNING!’ at the top of my lungs while maintaining the fastest speed possible. Not only only is flipping a level a waste of my fucking time.. but moving my foot from gas to break is super annoying, too.
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