Guess What Sucks

   OK I am really getting sick and motherfucking tired of computer generated effects in movies.  Its just gone too far. Its a beast that has gotten too big for its oversized expensive pants. I cant even sit through a lot of movies anymore because of all the worthless creative masturbating that is going on.   It started as a tool to make movies better… but has now been overdone and overused to the point of being nauseating.  CGI has officially made special effects NOT special.  Its a good idea gone bad and its threatening to ruin and make obsolete a century of film making artistry.

CGI sucks.

   I’m just getting tired of this bullshit that they keep trying to pawn off to the public.  If you watch movies that were made in the 80’s to early 90’s… you can see the level of special effects were incredible.  They were doing the best they could with what they had… and there was a real art to it.  Make up artists and miniature models and blue screens and film overlays and all the techniques Hollywood used had come to a head, and it was working very well.  Amazing films like Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Superman to name a few.  These movies used what they had and there is a certain realness to it that makes the films believable and enjoyable. 

Fast forward to now.

   Every movie I fucking see has some ridiculous computer flexing its digital muscles for me to ooohh and ahhh at.   Sorry I’m not buying it anymore.  It seems like one of the things a movie is measured on nowadays is their special effects and if they looked real or not.   Like “Well the movie sucked… but the effects were cool”   Who gives a shit about whether they were cool or not?   Who gives a shit if they looked real?   I mean fucking give me a break… how does ANYONE know what an alien spaceship looks like… or a giant green radioactive monster… or creatures from other worlds or what the fuck ever they are trying to convey?   These are things that do not exist in nature… so nobody knows if it looks REAL or not.  Its NOT real at all!!!!!   Its a movie!!!!!!   CGI should be a tool that can make a movie more realistic… not a crutch that the entire film is standing on.

Wanna know what a prime example of this hapless and uncreative way of making movies? 

   The movie 300.    I’m sorry I couldn’t even get past the first 10 minutes before I turned it off and threw it away in the nearest garbage can.  Its so fucking unwatchable that I didn’t even return it to the video store for fear that some asshole would watch it and like it.   I felt like I was watching a goddamn video game.   Another example is Sin City.   That fucking movie is watchable to a point… until my head starts pounding like a pornstar trying to take it all in.  Its just overkill.  Maybe the kids like it, but they don’t remember anything before Jurassic Park anyways.

   I understand that CGI allows filmmakers to do what has never been done before.  I’ve heard arguments about how it has broadened the limits of creativity and how it makes things easier and makes images more realistic looking.

   I agree with most of that… but to say that CGI makes things look more real is about as beleiveable as me pooping a canned ham (which wouldnt be that tough to depict in a film with CGI).  It DOESNT make things look more real.  Depending on the level of quality… CG can ruin a movie, stop it dead in its tracks, and elicit boos and sour faces from an audience.  The difference between now and 20 years ago is that everyone KNEW that special effects were not real.  Now Hollywood uses computers to try and dupe us into thinking something is real… and it doesnt work.  There used to be tricks in making movies.  Now with CGI… no tricks are needed.   You can depict and show anything you want.  That sounds great in theory, but doesn’t unlimited variety kinda lower the bar just a little bit?   If you can have anything you want… whats the point?   Think of Chinese buffets.  Would you rather eat Chinese food… or go to a HUGEmega Chinese buffet with every imaginable food item on it?   Is ANY of it really any good?  

  Would making a movie about talking dinosaurs who fly in spaceships fighting terminator machines on Mars be any good?  Probably not… but they can do it thanks to CGI.

   I hope that all this pointless idiocy creates a backlash of filmmakers that REFUSE to use computer generated imagry in their movies.   It would be nice to see people using their skills and craftsmanship to create better movies instead of being on the cutting edge.