Dear God in the motherfucking sky. Whose idea was Ketchup? A sweet, disgusting goo that’s artificially colored red… because if you saw the real color…. you’d see it was really brown. That’s right. I’m talking about poo poo.
OK seriously… enough with the childish remarks. Ketchup is a fucking abomination to the condiment world. How anyone could put it on anything is beyond my understanding. Fries? Fuck your mother. Hamburgers? Eat shit asshole. Hot Dogs? Suck my cock.
Allright Ill say that Ketchup is allowed to a certain degree. By certain degree… i mean if you’re under 10 years old. If you are under the age of 10… Ketchup is OK in my book.
The rest of you… grow a pair of balls or tits and start eating real condiments like the rest of the world.
32 responses so far ↓
1 Steve Testes // May 22, 2008 at 9:52 am
When you’re at Burger King - “Having it Your
Way” - what else do you use for those fries, man?
What condiments are acceptable? Mustard?
mmmmustard and fries!
Did you know they got Big Mac at McDonald’s in France… they call ‘em “Le Big Mac”
2 Juicy Matthew Zager // May 22, 2008 at 10:11 am
I like ketchup on onion rings… Ketchup on a hot dog is quite possibly the most disgusting thing ever. Seriously it turns my stomach to even think about the combination.
As for you, Testes, why don’t you grow a set and eat fries like a real man… dipped in straight bourbon!!!
3 Danny Anus // May 22, 2008 at 10:21 am
Fries dont need a condiment. Good fries shouldnt need to be dipped in ANYTHING to taste better.
BUT to those of you who just NEED one…
BBQ sauce, Ranch dressing, Horseradish, Mayo, Hot sauce… I could go on.
4 Anna // May 22, 2008 at 10:27 am
I like mustard. Yellow mustard, spicy mustard, honey mustard. Mustard is good.
You know what’s worse than ketchup? CATSUP!!! I hate it when people spell it that way…
5 Emily Zags // May 22, 2008 at 10:32 am
I like ketchup, you huge dicks. I like it on fries. I like it on burgers. Hell, husband of mine, I even like it ON HOT DOGS! So you can take this packet of ketchup and fucking SHOVE IT!
6 billiam5billion // May 22, 2008 at 10:35 am
You know what really blows goats? That fuckin’ colored ketchup shit they came out with. Like I need green paste all over my hashbrowns.
7 Melbert the Magnificent // May 22, 2008 at 10:36 am
ditto em zags! I LOVE KETCHUP!!! Ranch Dressing are you frickin’ kidding me??? Absolutely not an acceptable alternative… unless of course you like the creamy special sauce!
8 Debra // May 22, 2008 at 10:43 am
I like KETCHUP!!I LIKE CATSUP!! I LIKE TO SQUIRT IT ALL OVER MY NAKED BODY AND WRAP A WHITE SHEET AROUND ME AND PRETEND I WAS DEAD!!! I LIKE BROWN POO POO!! all TOMATO-EE …..I LIKE BBQ SAUCE I LIKE MUSTARD AD I REALLY REALLY LIKE CREAMY…… SPECIAL… SAUCE……… MMMMMMM
9 Jack Nicholson // May 22, 2008 at 10:57 am
I’ve got some special sauce for ya’…
I’ve got a bat in my belfry!
10 Jack Nicholson // May 22, 2008 at 10:58 am
I can attest to the “fries dipped in straight bourbon” idea… deeee-lish!
11 Burt Reynolds // May 22, 2008 at 11:17 am
Good call on the colered ketchup. Green Ketchup? Jesus thats just awful.
UGH catsup… I want to murder people when I hear that word.
12 Libby // May 22, 2008 at 11:27 am
Once I licked some ketchup off a plate before my mom and dad saw me. I like it a lot. But then again, I also like to eat cat poop. Is Catsup made out of cat poop?
13 Lardy Be // May 22, 2008 at 11:30 am
Those Jews who put Hunts Catsup in Heinz bottles PIS ME OF!
14 Yo Yo Vonn // May 22, 2008 at 11:39 am
You know what I hate about ketchup? Cleaning it up off the floor after the children have thrown the fries or what have you on the floor.Damn you ketchup! Damn you!
15 Tyler Durden // May 22, 2008 at 11:42 am
Tomato Concentrate, Distilled Vinegar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Salt, Onion Powder, Spice, Natural Flavoring……………..what is there not to love? Frankly, I’m appalled at the bashing of this group of ingredients. Ketchup is a cornerstone of American cuisine and isn’t going anywhere. Let’s not bitch about this lovely condiment; let’s embrace it like Burt Reynolds embraces his mustache or like Jack Nicholson embraces his dark sunglasses. Viva la Ketchup!
16 Robert Paulson // May 22, 2008 at 11:45 am
I am Jack’s screaming bottle of Catsup.
17 Jack // May 22, 2008 at 1:14 pm
His name is Robert Paulson…
His name is Robert Paulson…
18 Jared // May 22, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I want to own a restaurant where there is no ketchup on the tables. You can have it special ordered, but only if you are under three feet tall or in a wheelchair wearing a bicycle helmet.
19 Tyler Durden // May 22, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Under three feet tall? So, in your restaurant, midgets can order ketchup, but not normal sized people? That’s messed up, man. Forget your restaurant and keep eating at ketchup-free Subway, Jared.
20 adam // May 22, 2008 at 3:38 pm
hhmmm i seem to remember a comedian doing this bit.. trying to find out who, but i know i’ve heard it before.. try coming up with your own material…
21 Danny Anus // May 22, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Dear Asshole Adam,
I think it was your mother who said she hated ketchup… just before I squirted a few cups of it into her gaping asshole before I fucked it. Do you think thats who youre thinking of? Becuase you know… only one person in the ENTIRE world has cornered the market on Ketchup hating. Go touch yourself some more.
Love Danny Anus
22 Seriously // May 22, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Wow, talk about a “joke” that been done before…
whoever keeps putting “Jew” this or “Jew” that in their comments - trying to be funny - is a real moron…
23 Danny Anus // May 22, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Jews are hillairous. You are not… seriously.
24 Burn // May 22, 2008 at 4:26 pm
ooo, great comeback
25 Obvious Allen // May 22, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Wow… I cant believe that came from a guy who calls himself BURN. BURN!!!! FACE!!!! DUDE!!!! MAN!!!!
26 Jared: Killing the rave scene since 1999 // May 22, 2008 at 5:27 pm
You would bring up subway, wouldn’t you, Tyler Durden. Afterall, there is only one dude named Jared and he only eats sandwiches. Well, you are a soap making, ketchup swilling, squatter with delusions of your own existence. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
If you are over three feet tall, I hope you’ve got a cool bicycle helmet, retard.
27 Tyler Durden // May 22, 2008 at 6:02 pm
I’m barely over 3 feet tall, but my helmet isn’t that cool. It does serve it’s purpose by keeping this retard’s noggin safe while licking windows though, and that’s what really matters.
28 vonn // May 25, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Danny,
You remind me so much of that little man from princess bride who says things are inconcievable..that I can’t even see straight, well him amd say, ozzy ozbourne
29 Danny // May 26, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Im not sure what that means
30 Becky // May 28, 2008 at 4:53 pm
ooooh, Danny, don’t let Barret hear you say that!!! and for God’s sakes, hide the mustard and pickles!
31 Danny Anus // May 28, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I know. Mr. Walker LOVES the Catsup.
32 Dane // Jun 8, 2008 at 6:37 pm
I would rather get cancer again than to ever have to eat ketchup… seriously.
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