The Whopper sucks. Plain and simple. I’m sorry to inform all you people that grew up eating it and thinking it was and/or is delicious. The fact of the matter is that its the lamest flagship burger out of any national chain. Period.
I love cheeseburgers mind you. I love me all kinds of burgers. To say that its the shittiest of the national chains of fast food restaurants isn’t really saying all that much. I mean national chains are hit and miss if youre lucky. Burger King on the other hand… ALWAYS sucks. Maybe I’m a complete jackoff or something… but I dont like my burgers tasting like fake smoke to simulate the “idea” that they were cooked on a grill outside. The Whopper is the main offender here. I don’t like the fact that its too big. When I say too big I mean the circumference of the sandwich is too fucking big. Its just annoying to eat. I don’t like the fact that they insist on putting so much ketchup and mayonnaise on it. When you eat a cheeseburger, its not supposed to fall apart in your hands after eating 2/3 of it.
Oh hey and who would have thought that the same place also had the worst fries in town to boot? I recall as a youngster that their fries weren’t that bad… but then they went and changed them… for the better they say. I’m almost positive they changed to these newer asshole fries years ago because they were cheaper and tried to pass them off as “better”. They are greasy and taste fake little potato shapes.
Guess what else sucks there? Onion Rings. I think it should be fucking illegal for Burger King to serve their onion rings… and call them just that. I don’t even want to know what kind of mechanical wizardry they use to take dried, diced onions and turn them into onion rings.
Whats up with the shitty chocolate dessert pies? Nobody wants to eat a shitty cheap cocoa pie squeezed into a cardboard shape of a slice of pie. NOBODY.
Oh yeah… and since when did Burger King corner the market on making burgers to order? “Have it your way” they say in their dumb asshole ads. Last time I checked, I could go ANYWHERE and add or omit items to my sandwich. What a bunch of assholes.
I think that Ronald McDonald and the Ghost of Dave Thomas should team up with the Dairy Queen and kick this Kings ass.
13 responses so far ↓
1 Emily // May 20, 2008 at 9:28 pm
you know what sucks almost as much as buger king? their commercials! the king costume creeps me out and their last add compain feturing people eating their giant, disgusting burgers made me wanna barf every freaking time! UGH!!
2 Emily Z. // May 21, 2008 at 9:34 am
You know what else really sucks? Someone else named Emily is posting comments on this site!
And yes, I totally hate Burger King.
3 Jim Russell // May 21, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Yeah, the Whoppper is horrible, its like a burger salad. I do really like their double-cheeseburgers though, the cheese is all melty, I think they’re tasty! But is is annoying how they used to have daily $1.00 specials and now they don’t, but you CAN get that nasty RODEO-BURGER with like ‘onion rings’ and bbq sauce on it for a buck. Lastly, those pie things are great! I fucking love the Hershey’s sundae pies, so to answer your question Mr. Pule, I want to eat them, I do! Also, Hardees rules, Hardees fucking rules…and Jack in the Box.
4 Jessica // May 21, 2008 at 12:59 pm
As everybody knows the only reason to go to Burger King would be to get that cool ass crown! Come on Danny, they let you be a KING for a day but, the burgers are shitty.
5 AH CHA CHA CHA Matthew Zager // May 21, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Fast food is all about consistency, unfortunately for the King the only thing they are consistent at is consistently serving big steamy shit burgers. I do have to agree with Jim on the Sundae pies, those things kick ass. Fuck you for not thinking so. Seriously, next time I see you be prepared for two or three hershey pies to be forcibly shoved up your ass. It should be noted that they come prepackaged from Herhey, so Burger King has no real chance of fucking them up.
6 Jim Russell // May 21, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Fuck’n A Matt.
7 Debra // May 21, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I think the King on the commercial looks like a child molester.
8 Anna // May 21, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Jr. Whopper.
NO cheese.
Small fries.
Value-size chocolate shake.
$3.21.
Awesome.
9 Danny Anus // May 21, 2008 at 4:11 pm
A piece of my shit in your mouth
With Cheese
a tap on the cheek
top it off with some warm piss
Free
Still better than Burger King.
10 Jared: Bigger than Jesus // May 22, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Make your own burger.
Buy a better sandwich, please.
Fuck dessert, fatty.
*Haiku*
11 Dannys awesome brother that isnt Max // May 22, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Dude, you have no idea what you are talking about…a double whopper is amazing, and TASTE, that’s right, TASTE, you piece of shit…….Lets go down the line of the three main fast food burger joints, first McDonalds has the double quarter pounder, as well as that shitty sandwich known as the Big Mac…what is a Mac exactly? and the D.Q.P’s are insane to eat now because all that is on it is meat cheese and a few pickles and those stupid diced onions…secondly…Wendy’s, which is the freshest of the two, but their meat is flavorless…..so Danny, you know you love Whopper’s , just cause a few times it fell apart on you doesnt mean you can just disregard the fact that a Whopper will kick your ass anyday.
12 Danny Anus // May 23, 2008 at 9:38 am
I have no brother.
13 antiliberal // Jul 7, 2008 at 8:11 pm
he is right everything on the menu tastes like shit i wouldnt eat garbage from that shithole place ever the only thing sicker than that shit they pass for food is the child molesting sociopathic big headed pervert faced king that was the last straw 4 me $3.21 off the extra value shit list
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